Ain't Gonna Beg
by SymbolLuna
Summary: After losing her brother, Cali knows that she can't survive in this new world without losing herself and leaving her past behind. Understanding her loss, Merle brings her back to Woodbury, unaware of the consequences that would follow. . .
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Walking Dead.**

"No, no, no. C'mon, you have to get up. We have to keep moving… Max, please! Get up!" The man wheezed, crumpled on the ground, his head spinning. _Get up, get up, _his sister's voice sang. He couldn't leave her. He had…_he had_…to move. Max opened his bloodshot eyes and tried to push himself up; his right arm draped around narrow, bony shoulders. There was pain. Like fire, like his insides were melting away. But he had to move. He had to protect his baby sister.

"That's it, Max, you've got it." But he didn't have it. On his next step his legs caved beneath him and poor Cali couldn't hold his weight. His breath came out in rattles. There was glass in his lungs and the world was becoming too bright. Cali hurriedly moved around to hook her arms under his and drag him back. But his skin was tissue paper- every movement made tore him open. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry_, he thought. She propped him back up against a tree, soft grass and cool dirt beneath his fingers. He could still smell the earth, deep and fresh and wet. But now there was something far more sinister thrown into the mix- the smell of his own decay. Shadows crept through his vision, darting along the trees before stopping to stare. But when he blinked, they were gone.

His head rolled to the side to look at a pair of terrified amber eyes and a small angular face covered in blood and dirt and tears. "_You…look…like mom,_" he wheezed, smiling and letting the memories of his childhood come back. He could hear his mother's voice then, telling him it will be over soon.

"Tell me what to do," she begged through her sobs.

_"Like….I taught you…" _He'd already given her the gun. And shown her how to use it. He had wanted to keep her from it, from all of it, but that was a mistake. He should have taught her more. Should have showed her how to take care of herself. Now no one would.

"No, Max, no," she sobbed, "I can't."

_"Can…"_

She shook her head, "don't leave me."

_"Always…with you," _he reached for his dog tags that hung around his neck, but his arm was _so_ heavy and shook terribly, "_take…" _It was so hard to speak, but she understood and slid them gently over his head and clutched them in her tiny hand. She had always been too small. _"Promise… stay alive." _

She nodded, "I promise," but she didn't know if that was a promise she would ever be able to keep.

_"Time,_" he whispered, leaning his head back against the tree. His mother's voice hummed a familiar lullaby. He would be with her soon. Cali's lip quivered and her hands shook as she pulled out the gun. He had one final breath inside him. In his final exhale he told her, "_Love you, Cali." _And then darkness. All the sounds faded away until there was nothing but the sound of his mother's voice.

Cali sobbed as her brother went limp. She screamed and yelled and clawed the dirt. It was what he wanted. What he wanted. He didn't want to become one of them. He showed her how. Her hand clasped so tightly around his tags that her nails dug into her palm and her hand bled. This is what he wanted. He _wanted._

She slipped the dog tags over her head, clinking as the metal thunked against her chest. Cali raised the gun. She had to. For him. She promised. She took a deep breath and tried to block out the world. She could hear her sobs as if they belonged to someone else far away until they disappeared altogether. She felt herself go numb. Her heart beat hard and steady, drumming in her ears.

_Silence._

The gunshot echoed through the forest.

* * *

Cali lay there by her brother's corpse for she didn't know how long. Time was escaping her. She didn't move. She didn't care. Her promise to stay alive resounded through her mind like a broken record, but it was empty. She was alone now. Totally, completely alone. She didn't want to live, to be tormented with the memory of her mother's death- of her father's. And now with her brother's. She was dead already. A dead woman walking. There was no difference between her and those _things_. She wasn't human. She killed her brother.

Cali pushed her body up out of the dirt and sat facing Max. Blood poured out over his face from the gaping bullet hole in his forehead. She picked up the gun again. This time it felt cold and heavy in her hand and she placed the barrel against her temple. She closed her eyes.

Something grabbed onto her wrist, the gun dropping to the ground. So quickly she was jerked to her feet. "No!" she screamed, "Max! Max!" she kicked and thrashed violently, screaming for her brother as if he would get up and save her before she felt teeth sink into flesh.

"Stop screamin'," a rough voice demanded. She reached for Max, but an arm wrapped around her stomach, holding her back. "He's dead," the voice said. Suddenly hearing it made the reality of it unbearable.

"He's my brother," she sobbed, "my brother." The arm that held her loosened enough so that she fell forward, staring at him, "what have I done? What have I done?" She wrapped her arms around her body, rocking back and forth, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She saw the figure bend down and pick up the gun, but it was nothing but a blur of movement.

"Walkers all over these woods. C'mon."

She shook her head, "I can't leave him."

"He's gone." Cali didn't move. "Goddammit." Suddenly Cali was heaved off the ground, but she didn't say anything. Something hard hooked under her legs and an arm wrapped around her shoulders. Then she was carried away, looking over a shoulder in a dirty blue shirt she saw her brother's figure get smaller and smaller until she was weaved through the trees and he was gone.

* * *

Cali gasped and jerked, "whoa, take it easy Sleepin' Beauty." The man stopped and set her on the ground. "'Bout time you woke up. I was about to drop you off in a ditch." Cali just stared at him, he was much older than her and much bigger. But more than that, she couldn't get past his metal stub with a jagged knife attached to the end with duct tape. "Like it? Made it myself after I cut my hand off."

"You cut your hand off?"

"Well it wasn't outta boredom, Sugar." Cali didn't say anything more, she just turned and started walking. "Where you think you're goin?" he called. But, she didn't know where she was going. He had taken her gun, but she didn't really care. She didn't want it anyway. "Get your ass back here!" But she didn't stop. The moment she did she would collapse again.

Other voices flooded her ears as men poured in around her. Big men with big guns. They looked at her with surprise. And then with hunger. One of them whistled, "lookie what Merle found." Cali backed up, suddenly wishing she'd pulled the trigger sooner.

"Keep it in your pants, boys. Pull it out, I'll cut it off."

"Taking all the fun for yourself, Dixon?" A chill went up Cali's spine. She knew she couldn't fight them, but she was fast, if she could just find an opening. A man laughed, "You're scarin' the poor thing. Look at her." Her heart beat faster, "how old are ya, baby?"

She wrapped her arms around herself, looking for her opportunity to run, "twenty-four."

"No kiddin'. Ain't much of ya, is there?" More laughter.

"Alright boys, that's enough now," Merle said. Cali turned to look at him. "What's your name, girly?"

"Cali," she said.

"Is that so? Well, _Cali_, we gonna take you someplace nice. You gonna really like it."

"You're bringing her? Seriously?" Someone asked.

"Got a problem with it, you can shut your mouth," he put his hand on her shoulder and she flinched.

"I don't want to go with you."

"We ain't gonna hurt ya, now let's go."

She shook her head, "please no." Merle said something else then but it was lost on her. Cali's head spun and dizziness took hold. The world was spinning and the ground came closer. Something smacked against her head and her vision faded.

* * *

Cali could hear voices floating all around her in the darkness. They echoed, but when she reached for them, they were gone and it was silent once more.

A bright light flashed and she gasped as if she'd been drowning. She sat up so quickly that her head spun. She didn't know where she was. A hospital? She could hear machines beeping and a little needle stinging in the crook of her arm. Was she dreaming? Had it been a dream all along? But then it came back to her, overwhelmingly. She remembered her brother, her parents… all of it. Anxiety and pain stabbed through her chest and she was drowning once again.

Cali gripped the tube and yanked the needle out, gritting her teeth she pushed herself off the cold metal bed and almost completely collapsed. Her body was too heavy, her legs shook. What had they given her? The room spun and she pushed herself toward the door. She managed a few steps before she began to topple over. She reached out, trying to grab onto a cart for support, but it too began to tip and they both dropped into the floor with a loud clang as the cart and the tray of medical supplies struck the floor. The back of her head smacked against the cold, hard linoleum. She groaned and tried to get up, but her body convulsed and shook too violently.

The door opened and figures flooded the room. She grabbed one of the scalpels off the floor, "stay away from me!"

"Whoa, just take it easy," a tall dark haired man stared at her. "You were badly dehydrated when Merle found you."

"Merle…" she turned the name over, "Merle… the one handed guy?"

"That's right."

"Where is he?"

"He had some business to take care of."

"Who are you?"

He smiled. He looked charming, but something didn't sit right in the pit of her stomach. "They call me The Governor," he said. "Why don't you put that down and we'll get you back on your feet?"

Cali didn't want to, but something told her that he wasn't asking. She sat it down slowly, but when he took a step towards her she put her hand out defensively and snapped, "I can do it myself." Her body wasn't shaking as terribly now so she pushed herself up and managed to stay that way.

"Why don't you hop back up on the bed?"

"No."

"Very well," his lips pursed as if he tasted something sour.

"I want to leave."

"You're in no condition to leave."

"I don't care."

"Tell you what, we'll get you a nice place to stay and tomorrow we'll give you some supplies and send you on your way." Cali didn't like it, but she didn't have a choice. She followed him out the door and down the hall slowly until he stopped at the double doors of the front entrance. As he opened them he smiled at her and said, "welcome to Woodbury."

* * *

"That was a good run today. You continue to impress me," the Governor said, standing in the makeshift laboratory of Woodbury's resident wannabe scientist Milton.

"What about the girl?" Merle asked.

"What girl?" Milton asked, his wide curious eyes peering out from behind his glasses.

"Don't worry about her, she'll be…taken care of," the Governor glanced over at Milton before turning to leave the room. "C'mon Merle. I want to talk to you." Merle pushed off the wall he'd been leaning on and followed. When they were out of earshot of Milton, the Governor turned, "Merle, I want to reward you for all your hard work. You and all the other men," he grinned, "I left you a gift in your apartment. Pass it on to Victor when you're done and tell him to do the same."

Merle looked at the man, slightly confused, "okay then," he said before the Governor turned and left. Merle wondered what he could have given him that everyone else would want. He weaved through the town until he came to a familiar building and going in and up the stairs to a familiar door, pulling the key out of his pocket.

Going inside, he shut the door behind him and then stopped dead. The girl turned, her auburn hair bouncing in curls and her amber eyes seemed to glow in the dim light. Merle stared for a long minute while Cali looked as if she might jump out the window. "You've gotta be kiddin' me," he said, walking over to where he left his bottle of liquor last and poured himself a drink.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"It's my room, girly."

"He didn't say anyone lived here. That Governor."

"No, I guess he didn't," Merle downed his glass in one swig and moved toward the girl. She backed up until she hit the wall. He put his hand up beside her head and leaned closer. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face. "I am a lot of things, but I ain't no rapist."

She shook her head, tears spilling out from under her eyelids, "I didn't know, I swear. He said to stay here and he'd let me go in the morning."

Merle pushed away from her and poured another drink. "That ain't gonna happen. They gonna pass you around like a pipe at a powwow." Cali felt sick. She would rather die than think about the alternative. She sunk to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to make herself smaller than she already was. Merle watched her. She was a pathetic little thing, but she was pretty enough. Victor would get a kick out of her.

But then he saw her, back in the woods with what had once been her brother. He saw himself and Daryl. He saw her put the gun to her head. He saw himself vowing to wait for his baby brother as he put the barrel in his mouth.

Merle didn't bother pouring another drink. He simply put the bottle to his lips and swigged before getting up and crossing the room. He sat the bottle on the coffee table and plopped himself on the couch, stretching out and laying an arm over his eyes. "Bed's back there. Don't touch anything."

"What?"

"You deaf?"

"No…"

"Then git. I can't sleep with you cryin' there like that."

Cali got up and watched him as he lay there. He didn't move as she went back and sat on the bed. She sat there quietly for what seemed like forever, worried he would get up and change his mind, but he didn't. She laid down, curled up and wrapped the blankets around herself as if they could shield her from the outside world. Cali was grateful that whoever Merle was, he wasn't what she feared most. Though, as she lay there she couldn't help the growing contempt she felt for the Governor. _'They'll pass you around like a pipe at a powwow.'_ She had to get out of here. In the morning she would get out. She had to. Or die trying.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock on the door that jarred Merle out of his dreamless sleep. He stood up and stretched. The girl was still curled up asleep in his bed. The knock came again and Merle crossed the room and jerked it open, "I oughtta put a bullet in your eye for beatin' on my door so goddamn early in the morning."

Victor bounced on his feet trying to look past Merle, "you done?"

Merle straightened up and looked the man hard in the face, "no." He slammed the door and locked it. He grabbed the booze on the coffee table only to be let down by an empty bottle. He snorted and dropped it onto the floor. Merle wasn't a good man. Hell, he wasn't even a decent man. But he didn't stand for rapists. Or child molesters. He beat some asshole's face in during a prison stint for bragging about some hot cooze he'd taken for kicks. Those men were scum.

The girl was awake now and she came out of the bedroom, "who was that?"

"One of the Governor's boys. Came to collect." Her eyes went wide. "Don't worry, I sent him off."

"Why?"

"You want me to bring him back? Cause I-"

"No," she said quickly, "just…. Thank you."

Merle snorted, "don't thank me, Sugar. He'll go cryin' to the Governor. Might not be so easy next time."

Cali bit the inside of her lip. She had to figure out a way to run. "Do you want me to make breakfast?"

"Can you make scrambled eggs?"

"Um. Yes?"

"Then by all means."

Cali went over to the stove without expecting it to actually turn on. When it did she just stared at it. How long had it been since she'd been somewhere with electricity? Curiously she opened the refrigerator to find it cool and full of food, including a basket of eggs. She looked over at Merle who was sitting back on the sofa, staring out into space. Cali cracked an egg into the skillet. "How do you have electricity? I mean, I know the clinic I was in did, but…"

"The whole town's lit up, girl. You could even take a nice bubble bath here."

"Wow," she said, turning the eggs over. It had been so long since she'd had a proper shower. So many nights of scrubbing the dirt off in a cold creek in the middle of the woods got a little old.

"We got it pretty good here. Better than what it is out there." Cali was a little agitated to think that one of the reasons it was so "good" was because they got free "entertainment". She wondered how many other girls had been trapped her like she was. What did they do when they were done? Did they just kill them? Will they just kill her?

When the eggs looked fluffy enough she poured them onto a plate. "Your eggs are done," she said, walking the plate over to the table with a fork she'd found in one of the drawers.

Merle walked over and took a seat. "Well, these don't look half bad." He took a bite, "don't taste half bad either."

"Thank you," she said before returning to the stove to clean up the skillet.

"You ain't gonna eat none?"

"No sir," she said meekly.

"You're allowed to eat."

"You've done enough."

Merle rolled his eyes at the back of her head, "you're gonna need the nourishment if you're gonna try and run today. Believe me."

Cali froze. "What makes you think I'll try to run?"

"I ain't stupid. And I don't think you're stupid. Which is why you better not try anything or I'm gonna have to shoot you in the leg and drag you back to the Governor and I don't think either of us really feel like doin' that today. Now grab a plate and eat some of these eggs." Cali took a deep breath and grabbed another plate before sitting across from the one handed man at the small kitchen table. He dumped half of the eggs onto her plate and she poked at them with a fork, not really harboring much of an appetite. She thought about the weekend breakfasts she'd have with her family and there was a tight squeeze in her chest. Max really liked eggs too. He would scoop them onto his toast and pour syrup over it. The grip on her heart became tighter until small tears began to fall down her cheek as she stared at the plate of eggs that reminded her of a life that was gone. "Stop that," Merle snapped, "I can't enjoy my breakfast with your tearin' up over there." Cali tried to blink them away but it only made them fall faster. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffed. What would she do now? She was powerless to stop the fate that was about to befall her. There weren't very many options laid out before her and all of them ended with her dying anyway. Merle groaned and dropped his fork staring at the girl. She didn't want to look at him- she felt too ashamed. He couldn't help her. She couldn't even help herself.

"Why would you bring me here?" her voice was shaky.

"I didn't know they were gonna do that," he told her, honestly. But now that the Governor had decided that's what he wanted there was no use trying to defy it. He couldn't help her. "You can try to run but you won't get far," he told her. But something gnawed at him. The fact that what was going to happen to her was only going to happen because he put her in the position by bringing her here in the first place. _Shit. _He stood up."You stay here and don't open the door for nobody, you understand? And don't even think about tryin' to leave or you're dead. Got it?"

She looked up at him, confused, but nodded, "yes sir."

"And quit callin' me that," he barked, going out the door, slamming it shut and locking it behind him. He walked down the street to where he knew the Governor would be, not believing he was gonna do what he was about to. He didn't know that it would help or that the Governor would care. He didn't even care, not really. The girl wasn't his problem, but he didn't like the thought of contributing to what was about to take place. He knew it was a bad idea, but it was the only one he had. He tried not to overthink it, he'd take it one step at a time and see how it went from there.

Merle hesitated for a moment before knocking on the Governor's door. It didn't take long for him to answer, "Merle, come on in," he said. "I'm just working on inventory," he gestured to the stack of papers on the table, "have a seat." They both sat at the table, as the Governor pushed the papers aside and leaned forward on his elbows, "Now. What can I do ya for?"

Merle took a deep breath, "well. I wanted to talk to ya 'bout that girl we picked up."

The Governor smiled, "I figured you must have been havin' a pretty good time, she ain't even been on to Victor yet."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Merle hesitated, having second thoughts about his plan. But before he could really back out, words began pouring out of his mouth, "I find myself rather fond of the girl and I ain't too keen on sharin'."

The Governor sat back in his seat and crossed his arms, "never took you for a man to get attached."

Merle shrugged, "I guess there just ain't much else left to get attached to."

The Governor nodded, "Ya know, Merle, I've been goin' over these numbers all morning. And they all point to the fact that since you've been here we've had more than we did before. You're an asset to this town, Merle. And I want you to like it here. So, I'll tell Gloria we've got ourselves a new resident and send her by later with a box of clothes and whatnot and see where we can fit her in for a job."

Merle nodded, "I appreciate that, Governor."

The Governor nodded and stretched out his hand and Merle shook it, but the Governor held on and gave Merle a dead stare, "you make sure she knows how to behave."

"No problem." The Governor let go and was back to smiling. Without anything more to say, Merle left the room. He kicked himself in the teeth all the way back to the apartment. What the hell had he just done? Something downright stupid is what.

Merle opened the door and shut it behind him. When he turned there was a blur of movement and his reflexes allowed him to duck just barely quick enough to avoid getting bashed in the head. Cali pulled the bat back again to take another swing, but Merle quickly grabbed onto it and jerked it out of her hand, "you crazy bitch, what the hell are you doin!? You're tryin' to kill me after what I just did for you!"

"What!?" she snapped, "Tell one of your goonie friends to come and get it?" She went to swing her fist at him, but Merle caught it in his free hand and pushed her toward the couch.

"If you'd sit your ass down, I'd tell you!" Cali didn't sit. She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Now you better listen and you better listen good. Cause both our asses are on the line now. The Governor's gonna let you stay here. Get ya everything you need and a job in town, none of that whorin' bullshit."

"What's that catch?"

"You just gotta act like ya like me."

"But I _hate_ you."

"Oh, I'm so heartbroken," he said sarcastically. "Get over it. The Governor's only goin on with this because he thinks we hit it off so well."

"But we didn't."

"Yeah, but we gonna act like we did. Unless you'd rather go down the line starting with Victor or bite a bullet, I suggest you go along with it."

"So… what does that mean?"

"It means that ain't no one gonna touch you and you're gonna be fine."

Cali shook her head, "why would you do that?"

"I told you," he said, "I didn't know they were gonna do that. And I ain't gonna be responsible for it. But you can't try and kill me every time I walk through the goddamn door."

She huffed, "fine."

"And you can't ever mention that you know what they were gonna do to you. You gotta act all grateful and shit."

"_Fine,_" she huffed again. "But I can't promise I won't try to kill you again and first chance I get, I'm gone."

"Jesus woman, you're a moody thing." Cali knew that he was trying to help her, but honestly it was his fault anyway, if he had just left her be she would be… well, not here and not worrying about anything. "Play nice and everything will be just peachy," he told her. Cali chewed on the inside of her lip. She promised her brother she would stay alive. She didn't want to. But today, she would. And she would do what she had to do.

"Alright," she nodded.

"Good. See, that wasn't so bad. Just listen to ol' Merle and everythin' will be just fine."

"So what do I do now?"

"You're being introduced as Woodbury's newest resident. Story is the same. I found you, brought you back, we took you in. That's it. He might make up some bullshit about how we knew each other from before. Just go with whatever he says."

"But what if-" Cali wasn't able to get her next question out before there was a knock at the door. Merle held up a finger to silence her before cracking it open. When he saw that it was a young, smiling woman, he opened the door.

"Mr. Dixon! The Governor told me we have a new resident!" The woman had to have been in her thirties, dark hair pinned back and a blue summer dress on and a large box in her hands. She was so… _clean_. Cali immediately distrusted her. No one should be that clean or that cheerful. "Oh!" she beamed, pushing past Merle (who gave her a distasteful look) and walked up to Cali, "hi, I'm Gloria. We've put together a lot of things here for you," she sat the box down on the couch and Cali peeked inside, "clothes, shoes- we got your sizes from when you were in the clinic-" _Well that's not creepy at all,_ Cali thought, though she guessed she really shouldn't be surprised, "shampoo, a hair brush, some-" she glanced over at Merle and then came closer and whispered in her ear, "_feminine products,"_ she winked, "and lots of other goodies!" Cali looked over at Merle who just leaned back against the wall, his arms folded over his chest.

"Uh, thanks," she said, turning back to Gloria.

"Of course. Oh, but excuse me! I'm afraid I got so carried away I didn't properly introduce myself," she stuck out her hand, "I'm Gloria Dunlap, I handle rations, work schedules things like that. And I'm blessed with getting to show any newbies around town, not that that has occurred very many times," she joked. Cali felt awkward. Gloria was awkward. She hadn't met anyone so… _enthused._

"Cali Kincaid."

"Kincaid! Like the painter?"

"I guess, but it's spelled differently," Cali peeled her hand away from Gloria, who didn't seem to even notice.

Suddenly, her smile vanished and she became very serious, "Ms. Kincaid, I want you to know that I'm very sorry for what you've been through. I couldn't imagine living outside these walls all alone-"

"I wasn't alone," she snapped.

Gloria gave her an apologetic smile, "things are better here. It's a safe and happy place. You'll be right at home, I promise."

Cali bit into the side of her mouth and fought the urge to slap the woman. Safe? Happy? Yeah, right. She glared over at Merle who seemed to sense that that was enough of that. Thankfully. "Gloria-"

Gloria turned towards him a bit too eagerly, "yes, Mr. Dixon?"

"You wouldn't happen to know what sort of work Ms. Kincaid will have, do ya?"

"Oh, of course. We've been needed an extra set of hands in the agricultural division," she turned back towards Cali, "if you don't mind." As if she had a choice.

"That's fine," she told her.

"Wonderful. But I imagine you'll want to get settled in your new room first."

"Actually, she's staying with me," Merle said.

Gloria looked rather shocked, her eyebrows raising higher than Cali knew eyebrows could, "I was not informed of that arrangement."

"It's already been discussed with the Governor. Cali and I go way back, ain't that right, sugar?" Merle grinned and winked at her.

"A-huh," she agreed, "yeah, way back. But, not like, way way back just back before…the way." Cali knew she was a bad liar, but Gloria looked surprised enough to seem like she believed it.

"Well," Gloria said, smoothing out her dress, "if the Governor says it's okay, then I suppose it is. Ms. Kincaid, I imagine you'd like to," she looked her over and made a face, "get cleaned up, I'll meet you out front in an hour to give you the tour." And with that, she quickly marched out of the room and Merle locked it behind her.

"That might have been the shittiest lie I've ever heard," he told her. "You're gonna have to work on that sunshine or we ain't gonna get very far."

"Well, sorry, you just kind of put me on the spot."

"Hate to tell ya, but you're gonna have to get used to it."

"Is everyone so…" Cali couldn't find the right word to describe it, "_like that_? I mean, when they're not being serial rapists?"

"Most of these people ain't been outside the walls. They got no idea what's really out there. And they sure as hell don't know what goes on behind the scenes so you keep your mouth shut about it."

"Okay," Cali said, turning towards the box that Gloria had left behind. Jeans, shorts, t-shirts, a pair of tennis shoes. Nothing overly glamorous, but it was clean and new and that was something.

"The shower's there. Just don't take too long." Merle gestured with his good hand.

Cali gathered up the clothes and toiletries and locked herself in the small bathroom. She tried to hide her growing excitement for the presence of hot water, but she couldn't help it. She peeled her clothes off, careful of some bruises on her side. She stared at herself in the mirror, but she couldn't stand her own company for longer than ten seconds. Stepping into the tub and enclosing herself behind the curtain, Cali turned the shower on and gasped. It was freezing at first, but it quickly warmed up. She closed her eyes as chill bumps pebbled over her arms and legs. It had been so long since she'd experienced any sensation like this. A year ago she never would have given it a second thought. She'd have jumped in and out in a matter of ten minutes so she could get to her lame secretary job early. She never stopped to really appreciate the smaller things that she never noticed until they were gone. Now, they were all she thought about. Hell, she even missed paying bills. Well…okay, maybe not so much, but she would rather pay bills than live in this current shithole world, that was for sure.

Cali rinsed the shampoo out of her hair and sat down in the tub, the shower pelting her back and her shoulders. Water poured down her nose and lips and her eye lashes. As she sat there, sadness began to creep back inside her. She tried to push it down. She had to get over it- she didn't have the luxury of grieving. But that was easier said than done. Her brother _died_ yesterday. Or, rather, she killed him.

_No_, she thought. She didn't kill him. He was already dead. Cali told herself that over and over, yet it didn't make her feel any better. Nothing would ever make her _feel_ better. The best thing she could do would be to feel nothing at all- to just let it go. All of it. She wasn't a secretary anymore. She wasn't the girl who had barbeques with her family every Sunday in the summer. She wasn't anyone. That girl died a long time ago, the moment everything went to hell. Everyone died that day. That life was over. She was an empty shell now. She was Cali Kincaid, the last living member of her family. She watched her parents die and she killed her brother. She only had one goal now- only one. To _survive. _To _keep going_ for as long as she could. For no reason whatsoever. Just so she can say "fuck you" to some godforsaken extinction event that sought to snuff out every scrap of humanity- including her family. The world was different now, she _had_ to be different now. She had to adapt. She had to live. She just had to. But everything was easy in theory, yet never in practice.

Wiping the water off her face, she stood up, turned off the water and dried off. She took a few deep breaths that sounded far too shaky and dressed in her new clothes. A simple blue shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. They were comfortable enough, a little big but that was nothing new to her. The tennis shoes were nice and snug though, which was a relief. Cali brushed out her hair and pulled it up into a high, wet ponytail. It had been a while since she'd been this clean or smelled like strawberries, but she didn't feel as satisfied as she thought she would have. The amber eyes of her reflection stared at her, watching, judging, and staring into the very corners of her own soul. Cali looked away from her- she had begun to hate mirrors. The reflection never seemed like her own, but rather a whole other person entirely.

Taking one last deep breath, she left the bathroom and put her things back into the plastic box that still sat on Merle's couch. "Well, well, you clean up pretty good girly," Merle teased. She didn't bother to respond to him. He got up and opened the door, "let's get this show on the road."

Cali walked out the door and down the short hall to the flight of stairs that led to an entryway before exiting out onto the street. And then she stopped. She didn't know what she had been expecting, but what was before her definitely caught her off guard. People in the streets. _A lot _of people. They were laughing and talking, walking about in their nice clothes as if they had no other care in the world. "Holy crap," she breathed. "Is this even real?"

"It's real alright. Just remember what we talked about," Merle warned.

Cali could hear the sound of heels clicking up the sidewalk. Her mouth was still open and her eyes were still wide as she turned to face the familiar dark haired, over-chipper Gloria. "Cali, perfect timing!"

"I'll just leave you two ladies two it," Merle said, smiling at Cali, which she halfheartedly returned, before he turned and went off.

"I guess it's just me and you," Gloria smiled.

"I guess so," Cali agreed.

"Well, no use just standing here. C'mon, I'll show ya around," Gloria walked her through town showing her various buildings which were designated to house certain things- weapons, food, clothes. Apparently, they had so much they needed their own buildings. That seemed rather ridiculous to Cali, where did they even get so much in the first place?

"So, the Governor, he runs all of this?" Cali asked.

"Yeah, he does. Pretty amazing right?"

Gloria walked Cali to the edge of town where there was a large makeshift wall set up, with a few people sitting and talking up top. "What are you guys? Like a militia or something?"

"No," she said, "just a group of brave individuals. Self-trained, mostly. They volunteer to keep the town safe."

"And are there barriers like this on every street?"

"Mhm. We keep watch 24/7. It might seem a little bizarre, but it works. We haven't had a breech in three months," Gloria responded. "C'mon, there's still more to see."

"How long have you guys been held up here?"

"Practically since the beginning. We've had people come and go, but most people decide to stay, understandably. We were a significantly smaller population before. I've lived here my whole life though."

"This is pretty impressive," Cali admitted. It wasn't a lie, it _was_ pretty impressive, though she doubted it was built so innocently. The sheer amount of heavy artillery alone was enough to make anyone question things. But, most people were probably happy to just overlook that and not dwell on it too much. Not that she could truly blame them.

"So how do you know Merle?"

Gloria stared over at Cali, forcing her to pull away from her thoughts, "oh, uh, we met a few years ago."

"I assume you were _together_ then."

"Pardon?"

"Well, just knowing someone isn't really grounds for moving in with them. Not when we have so many extra rooms. So, I'm just assume that there is some more… detailed history there."

"You know, I'm really not comfortable talking about _before_."

"Of course," Gloria said, "I apologize. It must have been difficult for you out there, I'm sure you'd rather not think about it."

"Thanks."

They walked a bit further before little gardens began springing up along the sidewalk next to a small park where rows of crops had been planted. "This is the agricultural area. We grow potatoes, beans, carrots, tomatoes, jalapenos, even strawberries. This is where you've been assigned." An older woman walked up to them with graying hair pulled back in a blue bandana, "This is Beatrice Williams, she manages the work here. Ms. Williams, Cali Kincaid, our newest resident. She's been assigned to work here."

"Oh how lovely," Beatrice exclaimed. She had the kind of voice you'd expect from an older woman, kind and sweet. "Have you ever done any gardening before, dear?"

"I used to help my mom plant tulips in the spring, but never any vegetables."

Beatrice waved her hand, "don't worry, it's not much different. When are you planning to start?"

"Our tour is over," Gloria said, "you could start right now, Kincaid."

"Sure," Cali said, "that'd be great."

"Wonderful! Come along with me then," Beatrice led her over among a group of people with dirty hands and bright smiles. "Everyone!" Beatrice called, "This is Cali Kincaid, our newest neighbor and she's here to help us plant some crops."

Everyone gave a 'hello' and she waved back. They all seemed friendly enough and she really liked Beatrice. They showed her what to do and once she got the hang of it, Cali actually started to enjoy it. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, making idle chatter. She didn't participate much in the conversations and no one asked her about what it was like to live outside the walls (for which she was grateful), but she enjoyed just listening to the sound of people talking. It had been her and her brother for so long that it felt so nice to be amongst company.

Before Cali even realized it, it had grown way into the afternoon. "Well, I think that about does it for today," Beatrice said, standing up and dusting off her hands. Cali's own hands were covered in dirt, soil caked under her fingernails. And so soon after she had just taken her first shower in months. Oh well. She stood up and took the bag of carrots she'd been harvesting over to Beatrice. "Thank you dear, you did a lovely job. It's going to be so great having you here."

Cali smiled, "thanks."

Beatrice took the bag and smiled, "now go wash up and find yourself something to eat. You could do with a bit of meat on those bones."

Cali groaned inwardly. The world ends and people _still_ made jabs about her size. It didn't matter how much she ate or how hard she tried to work out, there was no altering the aftereffects of a premature birth that had left her so frail most of her childhood. Her health was fine now, obviously, but despite all of those fab diets and workout routines she'd spent so much money on, she was never able to "beef up", like they promised she would. It seemed like such a silly thing to have worried about now that she could look back on it, but she also knew it made her look weak and she wasn't all too fond of that.

Cali washed her hands in a cold bucket of water and dried them off on her shorts. She didn't really know what to do with herself now, so she just stood awkwardly on the sidewalk, looking up and down the street. She still didn't know how she felt about Woodbury and she still watched for an opening where she could run, but if anything, the few hours she spend planting seeds and uprooting carrots told her that not everyone in this town was a psychopath. Which was slightly relieving, but also rather unnerving. The whole town felt out of place, like it didn't belong. The world had become so backwards that any sense of civilization felt threating and chaos was the only norm.

"Why, hell-o Cali-co," Merle sang from beside her. Cali jumped, she hadn't heard him approach, and took a step away from him. "Didn't mean to startle ya."

"You didn't," she lied.

"Have fun diggin' in the dirt with them hippies?"

"It wasn't too bad," she admitted. "Where have you been?"

"Makin' rounds along the walls."

"Oh, yeah, I saw that. Pretty heavy stuff they got guarding this place."

"Got that right, Sugar. What'd ya say you and me go get a bite, huh?"

Cali didn't really want to, but she knew she _had_ to. "Alright."

Merle led her through the streets until they came to a small building with small table with umbrellas where people sat with more smiles and more laughter. Merle opened the door. "Wait," Cali said, "don't tell me this is an _actual_ restaurant. That would be ridiculous."

"Well, it ain't five star, but it's the closest to it."

"You have to be kidding me."

Merle looked amused as he walked inside, Cali following behind. "Dixon!" A man behind the counter exclaimed.

"Hey, Larry, my man. What's happenin'?"

"Just the usual. Anything you want, on the house," he looked over at Cali and smiled, "for your friend too. How are you doin' Miss? I don't believe I've ever seen you before."

"I'm fine. I just got here."

"Well, it's always nice to see a new face. Especially one as pretty as yours." Cali would have taken the compliment better if it weren't for previous circumstances. But, it just made her feel more violated, even if he was only trying to be polite. "Same as always, then, Merle?"

"Yep."

"And you ma'am?" Cali hesitated. What was someone supposed to order at an end of the world diner? Canned corn? She hated corn. "If you could have one thing to eat, one thing that you miss the most, what would it be?" Larry asked.

Cali thought about it for a moment, "A…grilled cheese?"

"Really?" he smiled, "I can do that."

Cali looked at him skeptically, "no you can't."

The man just laughed, "sure I can. And it'll be the best grilled cheese in all of Georgia, I promise." Cali looked at Merle who leaned leisurely against the counter while Larry turned around and began pulling things out of the cupboard. "So, Merle, ya ready for tomorrow? I've got half a pound of walnuts bettin' on your."

"What's tomorrow?" Cali asked.

Larry looked back over his shoulder, "she doesn't know about it yet?"

"Know about what?"

"Nah, thought it'd be a little surprise," he grinned.

Cali didn't like surprises and this one especially gave her a bad feeling. She opened her mouth about to say something, but quickly shut it again when Larry turned around with two brown bags that smelled very distinctly of food that made her stomach growl. Merle thanked the man and ushered her out the door before she even had time to look inside the little brown bag.

They sat at one of the small tables in front of the building under the shade of a large, old umbrella. "Seriously?" she asked.

"It was the Governor's idea. Said it'd give folks a sense of normality and all. Make 'em feel better."

"Riiiiight," Cali opened the bag, "there's not really a grilled cheese in here, is there?"

"Why don't you open it and find out."

Cali reached into the bag and, sure enough, pulled out a large square of bread, with gooey looking cheese in the middle. She looked at it, but she still didn't believe it. "no way. No. Way." She pulled the bread apart and the cheese strung between them.

"Are you just gonna look at it all day or are you gonna eat it?" Merle asked, already chewing on bits of his own food. Cali sandwiched it back together and took a bite.

"Oh my god," she groaned, closing her eyes, and savoring the bite in her mouth, "it's _real_." She took another bite. And another. And another. She pulled bits apart and licked the cheese and chewed on the outside crust.

"Are you sure you're right in the head?" Merle asked, but his jab had no effect on her. Cali was too busy stuffing her face with the best goddamn grilled cheese in all of Georgia.


End file.
